Well...

I really don't like myself right now, it just seems like i hurt everyone around me.
No matter what i try, i just end up more and more alone it seems.
But things seem to have slowed down a bit, Martin's been helping me with that. I know i'm not alone, i just feel like i need something to fill my heart.
I'm tired of falling asleep alone.
I can only hope i don't do something i'll regret.

30 Day Challenge: El Day Sies

Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.

1. I'm not all that interesting
2. Favorite color is purple
3. I eat like a fat person
4. I'm gonna just bs the other 26
5. Fact 5
6. Fact 6
7. Fact 7
8. Fact 8
9. Fact 9
10. Fact 10
11. Fact 11
12. Fact 12
13. Fact 13
14. Fact 14
15. Fact 15
16. Fact 16
17. Fact 17
18. Fact 18
19. Fact 19
20. Fact 20
21. Fact 21
22. Fact 22
23. Fact 23
24. Fact 24
25. Fact 25
26. Fact 26
27. Fact 27
28. Fact 28
29. Fact 29
30. FACT NUMBA 30
    

30 Day Challenge: El Day Cinco

Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Erghh, pass.

30 Day Challenge El Day Quatro

Day 04 - Your views on religion.
Religion. I've been struggling with this one for a while. I DO believe there is something out there. And I do believe in God. But I just have trouble with the whole "give yourself to him" thing. I like to see myself as having a big part of control of my life, and that I decide what happens. But having something to look forward to and a reason to act, right, I guess, after life help me sleep.

MAKEUP POST! 30 Day Challenge: El Day Tres

Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Eh this is a toughy. I don't necessarily have a problem with them, and they're fun -- when it's appropriate.

30 Day Challenge: El Day Dos

Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Where would I like to be in ten years? Jesus, I'd be 25, I'd like to be either getting my masters in what ever I decide to study, or working with my dad in the family business.

30 Day Challenge: El Day Uno

Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

Well there's two ways I could go about this, the narcissistic way, or the truthful way, both are pretty pitiful. I think I'll go with the narcissistic way.

So I've been seeing myself for about 15 years, 4 months, and 20 days. It's been a pretty good relationship, we just get each other, but sometimes, he's an asshole.

Loljk, I'm single. It's pretty fun, but honestly I'd love to find a nice, long, steady relationship. Not my highest priority, but it's pretty high up there. I guess the only time I think about it is when I'm around my friends who're in great relationships, or long relationships, or just have a hand to hold.

So yeh, onward and forward!

Happy Birthday, Mom, You're a year old.

So, exactly one year today, my mom had a blood clot hit her heart and lungs. She passed out in her bedroom and when she came to, she was completely out of it. I have to say, that was the single most scary moment, day, week, I've ever been through. When this all happened, all i could do it sit on the porch and make sure my sister was okay, I felt so helpless and to be honest, I almost hated myself for it.

That night, she was at the hospital, and everything was okay, when another blood clot came and hit her heart, except this time, she didn't wake up. It was by the grace of God that there was a doctor in the room who made the split second decision to jump on top of her in the bed and start CPR. Everyone else was too shocked to think of anything to do.

For the next about week and a half, my mom was in ICU, stable, but critical. I was able to go see her once, and it took everything that I had not to cry, because she could still hear, and there was no way in hell I was going to let her hear me scared.

But she pulled through, and was able to leave in about two weeks after that. She's been recovering since and I just felt that this was the best way for me to tell her how much she means to me. So mom, I love you, and happy First Birthday.